I went back and forth about whether to post this. After all, some might say it’s a first world problem. I also don’t know if I can SEO it and I don’t have any photos that go with it. However, in my first IGTV video, I said I want to use my blog to show who I actually am. If that means posting non-SEO posts without pictures about a supposed first world problem, so be it.

Besides, I don’t think this is a first world problem. Insecurity and anxiety affects everyone to some extent, no matter the cause, especially when something changes so drastically.

A year ago, some people I know would like the majority of the posts on my social media. Now they never do and it’s hard not to take it personally. It’s hard not to feel like they don’t like me or that I’ve done something wrong, especially when they went from liking almost every post to zero.

I know there could be many reasons people don’t like a post. They didn’t see, they didn’t like it, they like it but don’t want to “like” it, or it just didn’t occur to them to like it. I know this, but it doesn’t help. Again, this time last year I posted the same posts I’m posting now, reflections on life with a picture, except this year people ignore them. Awesome.

This isnt a social media problem, by the way. I don’t compare my life to other people or care about the quantity of likes. I know this is a self-esteem problem and I’ve been praying about it, but I still walked back from court blinking back tears as I tried to figure out how not to feel this way.

Maybe it’s also a writing problem. Writers publish for a reason: They want their work to be recognized. Last year mine was and this year it isn’t and I don’t think I’ll ever find out why. I’ll just keep feeling like I messed up between last year and now, and I’ll wonder if only going on social media for volunteering is the answer.

By the way, and I assume this doesn’t need to be said as most of the people reading this know me, I’ve been through tragedy, so this isn’t the worse I’ve ever felt, but maybe what I’ve been through in the past affects how I feel now.

Being ignored sucks and not having your work recognized sucks, especially when you’re not sure why it’s happening. But even if someone dismisses this as a first world problem, I’m glad I wrote this. I’ve been feeling badly about this for a while, so maybe this is the first step to feeling better.

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