I’m single. I’ve been single all my life, and I’ve gotten a lot of advice. I assume the advice is well meaning, but I really don’t know at this point. And lest people think, “Well, you’ll agree with it someday,” here’s someone who got the same advice, is now in a relationship, and still acknowledges that the advice is horrible.

I know tons of people have talked about this, mostly on YouTube, but as I’m not quite YouTube ready yet, I’m just blogging about it. That being said, I particularly enjoyed this video. She says a lot of the things that I’m saying.

All of the following advice is equally bad, so this is in no particular order.

1. You have to put yourself out there more.

What I hear:

“The way you’re living your life isn’t good enough, and your singleness is punishment for a life badly lived.”

I know people who’ve met at school, work, church, a party, a bar, a bus, dancing, and online. I’ve done all this, and I’m still single. If I’m meant to meet someone, I’ll meet someone, regardless of what I do.

2. Sometimes it takes a while to like someone. You should go on second dates with people you’re not attracted to.

What I hear:

“You don’t deserve to meet someone you’re attracted to. Just force yourself to like the next guy you meet.”

It doesn’t take me a while to like someone, whether romantically or platonically. I’m exceptionally gifted at reading people and seeing patterns in behaviour. I know immediately if I’m going to click with someone or not. I’m not going to disregard my good qualities so I can get a boyfriend.

3. You’re too picky.

What I hear:

“You need to settle or you’ll be alone, which is the worst fate ever for a woman.”

Everyone I know in a serious relationship, whether married or otherwise, is with someone they didn’t just settle for. So, as awesome as it is to hear that I’m not good enough for someone amazing to like me, please refrain from telling me I’m too picky.

4. Keep an open mind.

What I hear:

“Lower your standards.”

Closely related to “You’re too picky,” when people tell me to keep an open mind, it implies that they think any judgments I make about the people I meet are incorrect when, as I said above, I’m a great judge of character. I’m not going to let go of this just to meet someone.

5. Maybe if you’re friends first, you’ll like them after a while.

What I hear:

“You’re too stupid to know if you actually like someone. Be friends with people you don’t click with because eventually you’ll realize how stupid you were being and finally like the person.”

I have a lot of friends and, shockingly, they’re all people I clicked with pretty much right away. I’m not going to spend time on a friendship in the hopes that eventually I’ll want to date the person.

6. It will happen when you’re in a better place in your life/when you become a better person.

What I hear:

“You’re not good enough for a relationship right now. Fix yourself, and then maybe someone will tolerate you enough to date you.”

No one I know is perfect, and yet almost everyone I know is in a relationship. Clearly, you can be in a successful relationship without being perfect or having a perfect life.

I truly believe that if God wants me to meet someone, I will. So if everyone could cease and desist the above advice, that would be great.

And if you’re wondering what you should say, this is it:

“You deserve to meet someone amazing and eventually you will. You don’t need to do or be anything different than you are.”

Tags : dating

1 Comment

  1. I have a friend that tells me all the time she’s sick of hearing advice from people who just don’t get it. I totally understand her frustrations because she shouldn’t settle for someone she’s not attracted too right off the bat or wait until she’s in a good spot in her life. Love will come when it wants to. You might find love when you are down in the dumps and he/she might be your knight in armor. It’s so unpredictable. You tell em girlfriend!

    Jordan | http://www.dailycupofjojo.com

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